Surrender My Trials
Today I faced one of the hardest trials I have ever experienced. I was sitting in class, when I began to be bombarded by impure thoughts. I have been striving towards purity for some time now, with significant gains. I just decided to reject the thoughts from my mind. But they wouldn't leave. "Hmmm... persistent. That's ok," I thought to myself. "That's just my first line of defense." I decided to find something else to occupy myself with. Since I was sitting in Differential Equations class, I decided that that would be a good thing to focus on. No good. Not only did the thoughts return, they increased. "Okay," I thought. "Time to pull out the big guns." I started singing hymns to myself. Still no good. "What's going on here?!"
Today I tried to defy Satan by my own strength. Obviously, it did not go very well. That is his plan: to get us to fight on our own. If he can convince us to fight his strength with ours, he has already won. At that point (I know you've felt this) when I was about to break and give in to the thoughts, I realized, "I can't do this!" That is when it clicked. I was unable to do it. That was the first instance where I truly realized that I was unequal to this task. This trial was too much for me. Satan is incredibly powerful and didn't like relinquishing my mind to pure thoughts.
Today I prayed "Lord, I can't do this! Please take up my infirmity (Isaiah 53:4) and deliver me by Your loving power." I gave up entirely. Today I finally understand that I do not need to (and must not) rely on my own strength. Today I surrendered my trial and God returned a glorious victory!
He immediately gave me a little check-off list for surrender. This is really for myself, but I hope it helps you too.
1) I cannot just hope, I must know that He can take my infirmities on His strength. (Note - This does not necessarily mean that He will do so. He will take up my trials only if immediate delivery is a part of His will. If He desires me to continue struggling in order for me to grow (James 1:2-4), He will tell me to wait.)
2) I must truly, absolutely surrender. I need to know in my heart that I can not, with my own strength, win this battle.
3) Allow Him to do His work. Depending on the situation, it may or may not take time and pain for the work to be done, but it always takes faith.
I hope this has been a blessing to you.